Lost Objects

What I dislike about losing an object, in my case my keys, is that you get such a feeling of anxiousness and uncertainty. Will I find my keys? Are they lost forever? Did magical little ginger midgets steal my keys at an attempt to be funny? These are all questions I would like to have answers to sometime in the near future. It is really just one big pain in the ass. Not only our my car keys missing, but also my apartment and mailbox keys. Ugh. FML.

On a better note however, I had such a fun time playing Euchre with my mom and my friends Mo and Heather. They came over last night and I made a FABulous din din for everyone and then we did some delicious shots and played a few games of Euchre. Mo and I came out victorious after a well-played championship game so that was fun. I was actually supposed to go with my mom to play Euchre at this tournament thing but of course, thanks to my missing keys, we could not go. She did not want to drive her truck at night because of a busted taillight that she has to get fixed so we are stranded and now I am blogging about it.

Tommorrow I am hanging out with Jason. That will be fun. I always enjoy hanging out with the boyfriend. We might have to go get keys or whatever you do to replace car keys and such. But whatever, we will be together if it comes to that. :) I am enjoying my x-mas break so much and I am going to be sad when I have to go back to school. It has been so nice to just relax and spend time with my mom and Jason. Seeing my friends and family is always so nice. Especially when you are away for so long.

On a more random note, I am watching Ghost Hunters International and they are trying to speak to the ghost of hitler. For a brief moment I seriously considered looking into the ghost hunting business as a profession. I know its normal for college students to have no idea what they want to do with their lives, but I really wish it wasn't happening to me right now. I thought I had my A-Ha! moment that reinforced the fact I wanted to work in museums, but tonight I am feeling anxious about my decision. I need to take my pill. Maybe it will calm me down a bit and re-focus me. But seriously though, wouldn't it be kind of cool to be able to travel all around the world and investigate old buildings while trying to prove the existence of ghosts? haha. Anyways, I think thats all for me today. I might go eat a bowl of Special K redberries. It's delicious and will me my comfort food in this time of unrest. :) Love you all!

A New Year, A New Me

It's 2010! I cannot believe I am embarking on a new decade of my life. I haven't really thought about it much but today I came up with some pretty good, at least to me, resolutions that I think will help me live a better life this year.

Resolution #1

I will go to church while up at school. I will not, however, promise to make it every Sunday but I will try to go more frequently. I was sitting in church today and it occurred to me that a very serene feeling comes over me when I am there. I need to reconnect somewhat with God. I have been so consumed with material possessions and my own problems that I forget to turn to the one true being who can guide me in the direction I need to go in. This is a good step for me, one that can only benefit my self as a whole.

Resolution #2

I will make good decisions in my daily life. Within this resolution is so many different ways to better myself. By choosing to do things that are going to positively effect me, their is no way I can't succeed in the coming year. I want to better my body, mind, and soul. I am not going to make it a resolution to lose weight and do my homework. I am leaving at a generalized idea of making good decisions. If I get into too much detail I will never complete my resolutions. Every year I tell myself I am going to lose weight and it never happens. This year I will work on losing weight but it will be part of the bigger picture.

I feel good coming into the new year. With the help of my mom I have a new budget to help me with my financial situation and can now focus on other areas in my life without having a heavy black cloud looming over me all the time. This year my hormones will not get the best of me. This may seem silly, but is something that I have been struggling with for awhile now. With the help of my doctor and family and friends, I can reach a balance spiritually and medically. This also, will not get in my way this year. Sure, there will be days when my depression will hurt more than others, but I have been feeling very good lately and am excited to see my progress continue into this year and many years to come.

I am thankful for many people that I am lucky to have in my life this year, and years past. My mother is a strong rock. She is my hero and my best friend and I would not be able to function without her. I will need her this year to keep me focused so that I can achieve my goals. My boyfriend Jason is my shoulder to lean on. He supports me in everything I do and I am so happy we are still together and plan on being together for a very long time. I hope I will be able to show him as much support as he does me, so that he can achieve all of his dreams. We can go very far with the help of each other.

My friends are a little of everything. They support me, push me, and provide an escape when I need to leave my troubles behind. We all have our own struggles but if we rely on each other for support, than we all can accomplish our goals this year. I want to be a better friend this year. I know I sometimes am found lacking in the friends department, but I believe my heart is in the right place, I just don't always know how to handle situations correctly. I have great friends who have taught me many things about life, and I hope I bring something valuable to theirs lives as well. This year I want to make sure I listen to my friends better, respect them more, encourage them more, and love them more. They are the family I choose, and they have chosen me. I owe them so much for choosing to let me be a part of their lives. I am made better by their friendship.

This year is about finding my center, and my balance. Oftentimes we lose our balance when on our path to self-fulfillment. It is up to us to get back up and keep on walking, with the help of friends and family. It's kind of like a walk for a cause. When walking with supporters it feels like whatever you are trying to overcome is only a small bump rather than a mountain.

"Make sure life has a sense of peace, a sense of purpose, and a sense of fulfillment."
-Unknown

"Your slavish".... that's a new one

So, my week has been like a broken shoe. At least during class times. I have managed to miss one class, fail a paper, forget a midterm, and forget to meet with my advisor for my exhibit. I love it when anything that can go wrong does.

Anyways, I do have some things that are actually fun going on right now. For instance, my ongoing relationship with Leah. Each passing day our bond grows stronger. I am painting her a picture of a scene from Where the Wild Things Are. She's gonna LOVE it. I started a new job, which is soooo exciting that I am willing to look past the fact that my boss scares me. I rearranged my room, so now it looks like a room should look. I got my hair cut, so now it is a lot more healthier! YAY!

I guess these things could be seen as ordinary things but I think they are spectacular! :)

On a different note... I guess I had a nest in my hair earlier, complete with fuzzies. Leah was quick to document it with her camera phone. I wish I had the pic so i could post it. You always know life is Greeeat when you have a hair nest. It's really the icing on top.

I was watching Kandee Johnson make-up vids again last night. She is AMAZING! She made herself look EXACTLY like Edward Scissorhands. I wish I could do make-up that well. I wish I could actually just afford make-up period.

Halloween is coming up quick, and Leah and I, and Ash if she doesn't work, are going to be Ninja Turtles! It's going to be AWESOME! Maybe I will try to do a really neat green eyeshadow look to make it more girly. I am soooo excited though. It's going to be so much fun. My bestie Mo might be stopping by to visit on the 30th so hopefully we will get to hang out. Jason is coming up too, so I can't wait. I don't get a lot of visitors, I haven't even seen Jason in a month! That's a long time for us.

Something else that I am excited about is.................. NEW MOON! Ma, Leah, Lisa, and I already have our tickets to the show. I cannot wait. I just finished the first book for the 3RD time. I know, it's sad, but whatevs.

OMG! I almost totally forgot to mention that I saw an Asian girl with a penis today in Berkey Hall. I swear she looked completely feminine except for the buldge in her pantz. It was crazy. Maybe it was just the style of her pants, but I don't know. I have my suspicions.

I guess thats all I have to say right now. I love you my fellow bloggers! -Mils

So it's 2:20 a.m. and I am awake. Not completely unusual for me lately except for the fact that I have absolutely no reason to be up this late. I finished my finals on Tuesday and so therefore have nothing to study for. I cleaned my room, and bathroom. Made some dorm improvements before I leave here, hmm what else..... watched Twilight for the 2nd time this week and ordered Gumby's. Yum! I browsed make-up and hair tutorials on You-tube, I am in love with this one woman; Kandee Johnson.

She is so presh. Anyways, I was inspired so I decided to try out some hairstyles of my own. Good...not so much. I really am a homeless hooker right now, hanging out in my dorm room...alone. I participated in Midnight Scream '09 Night 3 by myself. I am embare. I video-taped some of it, the song selection was very good tonite. When I screamed I was propositioned by two guys below me, asking if they could see my tits. For a minute, I almost flashed them. I was that bored. Then I thought about it and decided they could easily find out what room I was in and come harass me some more....that would be exactly what I would need while by myself.

At the moment, I hear voices outside my window...is that odd? Do I sound like one of the people who stay in their homes because they have that certain kind of phobia? I don't know. It just sounds like there is a party going on in the air, since I am on the 5th floor. It's like Mary Poppins when they float in her uncle's house. Fun Fun. Anyways, I thought I would blog to pass the time. Everyone I know is at the library....gf included. She has decided to ditch me for some younger models. I feel abandoned. :) Seriously though, the voices are getting louder and creepier. Like they are scaling the wall. This is the mindset I am deduced to when I am alone and left with only my thoughts.
On a different note... I once again missed America's Next Top Model! I was too busy watching Twilight on DVD. I am the definition of pathetic right now. I guess the TV is unplugged so it is only partly my obsession with Twilight that got in the way. Anyhoo, I think I will be going. I am tired and should probably sleep since i have nothing better to do with my time. Tomorrow will be fun! I am hanging out with the Girlfriend and Rob and everyone. So maybe I will blog about that when I am back from my fun adventure. :) Love you fellow bloggers! xoxo

"In my end is my beginning"-T.S. Elliot

I wanted to start this entry with a quote. A quote that sums up my crazy year here at Michigan State University. I picked this one because I know that the end of this year has brought a new time in my life. This year was far from ideal, not my typical idea of an awesome college experience. I had a lot of changes that I was going through, some issues that I needed to deal with before I was happy. This year was different. All my friends were doing there own thing and had their own battles to fight. Feeling that loneliness was one of the triggers. For the first time since I had started college I felt alone, more so than when I knew hardly anyone and had no friends as a scared little Freshman. I was not ready, or prepared, to deal with this. Everyone in my life could tell I wasn't myself, I knew I was not myself. It was hard for me to see myself and know I couldn't do anything to help me. I tried to be happy, but that isn't so easy for anyone who has tried it. Happiness comes from somewhere deep inside and even though you tell yourself you want to be happy, it doesn't always work. I thank God everyday that Jason was here for me. If I didn't have him, I would have been lost. He made me want to be myself again. he knew I was different but not as different as my friends had noticed. I think this is why he was nicer about it, that and the fact that he loved me. :) It was frustrating seeing myself, I can imagine how it seemed on the outside.

This year was a hard one for me. Thank-fully I got some help from my lurvely gyno. Lol. I am able to laugh, and hang out, and do the stuff I always had fun doing. It feels awesome on so many levels. So this is why the ending to this year is the beginning of something better for me. I just want to say thanks to everyone that stuck around, and I am glad I stuck around for others too. I think this year was crazy for everyone, and I am really looking forward to next year. I hope it will be my year finally. We will see. Until next time fellow bloggers! xoxo

I am officially addicted to Twilight, there is nothing that I could have done to stop myself from falling in love with the characters, their perfections, flaws, emotions, passion. To feel like Bella, to have someone be so passionately commited to you...wouldn't that be nice? My boyfriend would probably read this and say, "Thanks A lot", but I know he loves me. I love him, there is no one else for me. The love-obsessed girl in me just thinks that Edward is so, haha lack of a better word... dreamy.You can't read the books and not feel what the characters feel when they are hurt, sad, happy, anxious. I love feeling those feelings; all too often the real world doesn't afford us the chance to experience such strong emotions. We go about our day as usual....often times nothing too exciting happening. At least for me. Its fun to escape into a fantasy world, I love having insight into a world that isn't mine. So there it is, my obsession for Twilight is now written openly for everyone to see, I can't deny it anymore. I am a Twilight Fan. :)

Moving on, my roommates have all decided to put their beds in the other room, and so I am alone in my room.... mostly reading Twilight to pass the time. Its okay, being alone is not always a bad thing. Just sometimes, you can feel a little left out. Oh well, I am not that bothered by it. i go about doing my own thing. Whether it means snuggling up in my loft or randomly going to the library with Leah. I know it's the library, but it's one of my favorite things to do on a weeknight. Usually, when your hangin' out with a friend, little things become sooo much more fun. That's why I like hanging out at the library with Leah, its more like just chelaxin' than studyin'. It, at least, gets me out of my one-bedded room where I sit and bullshit around until bed time. So, bring on the library! lol

My Roommates empty loft

Move out is nearing....Jason is coming up this weekend and helping me take down my loft. I feel like I am going to need the extra help. I hope, he doesn't know this yet, that he will take my futon back with him when he goes home. lol. He is not going to like that idea, but I think I can get him to do it. For a buschel of kisses and a dozen hugs. :) I am hoping all of my finals go well. I think I have it pretty easy this semester so hopefully I can get out of here with the least amount of damage to my grade point. I am actually really proud of myself this semester.... I kicked ass. Now the biggest challenge on my plate is finding a summer job. Yikes, that just sounds daunting. At least my mom is not pressuring me....she said I could babysit if I am unable to acquire a job. Thank-God! I was afraid she would rip me a new one if I didn't come home with a job lined up.



As I look at my laptop seeing the fortunes I have taped to it, I thought I would share with you them. They are favs, which is why they are always here to remind me of them. Each has special meaning for me. :)

" Don't pursue happiness-create it"

" Money is the root of all evil and man needs roots"

" An unexpected relationship will become permanent"




You can always count on fortune cookies to leave you with some insightful comments that leave you hoping for something perfect to occur in your sudden future..... Love You Fellow Bloggers!

I hope everyone was outside enjoying the weather.....Ash and I laid outside for hours soaking up the sun's rays. We enjoyed our homemade cocktails that Ash made for us. I left it in her capable hands; she is after all a bartender. My freckles came out to play and I have a feeling they will be here for awhile. I am reading the second book in the Twilight series, and am obsessed. Jasper just tried to attack Bella and it was soooo intense. I LOVE IT!!!!
I am planning on reading some more tonight before we go and see MILK. It should be good, I have never seen it before. Tommorrow I am seeing Lion King @ the Wharton Center and I can't wait. My mom and aunt are coming up so it should be funnity fun fun.
I am so excited for summer to start and not have to worry about classes for awhile. Although, I have yet to find a summer job, so that kind of puts a damper on the whole fun aspect that summer has to offer. Maybe I will just start to sell my body for money..... its easier than filling out an application. haha. Joking! Anyways, I don't think the bf or gf would be quite that pleased with me if I took up that line of work. Speaking of girlfriends, mine and I are celebrating our two year anniversary! Can you believe it! It has been two of the most memorable years of our lives! We celebrated by supporting the Queens at the 7th Annual MSU Drag Queen show that was held last night. Oh the laughs we had.
Anyways, I should probably get going. I have some reading to do and a shower to take. Take care my fellow bloggers! Love Ya!